To treat others intelligently, you need to combine empathy, respect and adaptability. Here are some practical tips to improve your interactions:
1. Listen actively:
Maintain attention: Avoid interruptions, observe verbal signals (tone, choice of words) and non-verbal signals (gestures, expressions).
Show interest: Use phrases such as ‘I understand your point of view’ or ‘How did you experience this situation?
Avoid judgements: Don’t assume motivations or intentions until you’re sure.
2. Developing emotional intelligence:
Acknowledge your emotions: Admit your feelings without letting them dominate the dialogue (e.g. ‘I’m frustrated, but I’m trying to understand’ ).
Read other people’s emotions: Adapt to their state of mind (e.g. speak calmly to someone who is agitated rather than counteracting them).
3. Cultivate empathy:
Put yourself in their shoes: Ask yourself, ‘How would I react if I were in their shoes?
Avoid unnecessary conflict: Replace ‘You’re wrong’ with ‘I have a different perspective, why don’t we discuss it?’ .
4. Communicate clearly:
Use non-accusatory language: Try ‘I’m feeling nervous about…’ rather than ‘You’re stressing me out!
Control your body language: Maintain eye contact, avoid crossing your arms (a sign of closure).
5. Respect differences:
Accept diversity: Everyone has a cultural, personal or professional history that shapes their opinions.
Avoid prejudice: Don’t assume that your way of thinking is the only valid one.
6. Handle conflict sensitively:
Focus on the problem, not the person: Say ‘The situation is complex’ rather than ‘You’re handling it badly’.
** Look for common solutions**: Involve others in the resolution (e.g. ‘What idea do you have for moving forward?’ ).
7. Building trust:
Take care of the details: Keep your promises (e.g. respect an appointment or a deadline).
Take responsibility for your mistakes: If you make a mistake, say ‘Sorry, I made a mistake. Here’s how I’m going to fix it’.
8. Adapt to different personalities:
Adapt your style: Speak optimistically to a grumpy person, or precisely to a perfectionist.
Accept change: Be flexible if circumstances require an adjustment.
9. Taking care of yourself:
Avoid exhaustion: If a conversation becomes emotionally heavy, say ‘I need to think, can we talk again in 10 minutes?’
Use strategic restraint: Temporarily remove yourself from conflictual situations before resuming the dialogue.
10. Continuous learning:
Analyse your interactions: After a discussion, ask yourself, ‘What have I learned? How can I improve?’
Ask for feedback: Ask someone close to you: ‘How can I handle difficult situations more effectively?’
Concrete example:
A colleague objects to an idea in a meeting:
Listen to his or her objections without interrupting.
Ask an open question: ‘What could be improved?
Acknowledge their point: ‘I understand your concern about the cost’.
Propose a compromise: ‘Why not test a simplified version before making a commitment?’
In summary: Treating others intelligently is based on humility, patience and daily practice. The more you observe reactions and adjust your approach, the better you will master this essential skill.
